Bitter Reality
by BassyXLily
Summary: Lexi has been captive for five years. Be, finally free, it is up to her to find her captors, eradicate them and make a new life for herself. (sorry about the sucky dialogue... i have yet to fix that part... oops)
1. Chapter 1: My Prison

Tonight the dreams were welcome. They were a welcome distraction from the pain. I would let them come.

**~DREAM~**

"_Lexi! Come on darling!" I moan and roll over taking the covers with me. My mother shakes me more urgently now. "What?" I ask groggily, not bothering to open my eyes. "You need to get up now. We are leaving," comes the soft whisper of a reply. At this I snapped open my eyes and stare at her. "Leaving? Where?" My mother shakes her head and looks frantically at the door. I slide out of bed and ym mother tosses me one of my warmest coats. "I don't have time to change?" "No!" she fiercely whispers. Shrugging into the coat, I watch my mother as she opens my second story window and motions for me to jump out. I have no idea what we were doing but I know I can trust her so I do as she says and jump out. I land on my feet in a crouch; a soft thud behind me lets me know that mother is behind. She turns me around and I am face to face with her. Bright, kind green eyes, to fiery young emerald ones. She kisses me on the forehead, slips something into my balled up hand, then whispers,"I love you so much! Remember this night. Remember that it is never okay to turn and run the other way when people you love are at stake." I am confused, but before I can say anything she has pushed me out of the bushes and motioning for me to run. As I run, I look back in time to see her climbing back into the window and locking it. My next thought is, "where do I run?" I have no time to think before I hear a scream, then a bang. I realize it came from the front of the house, where the windows are all open. I briefly remember what my mother said and decide to go back for her. Changing course, I sprint through the ig oak doors of our manor. I hear a thud coming from the left hallway and quietly tiptoe down. What is waiting for me is worse than I can have even dreamed. There is my mother, a large red stain, spreading over the chest of her nightgown, my father, a faraway look plastered on his face as he stared at her. A glimmer of a smile flicks across his face. ,y mother turns to look at me and her eyes widen. She seems to be telling me to…leave? But what about what she said not three minutes ago? Suddenly, father looks at me with a creepy smile on his face. His left hand raises and too late I see a pistol. A white hot pain explodes in my abdomen and I fall. Father slowly walks towards me…._

**~END OF DREAM~**


	2. Chapter 2: Silently screaming

An inhuman scream woke me. I realized that I was the one who had screamed and that no one would come running for me. My mother was dead, father was in prison for life and I was a captive. I've been a prisoner for the past five years. In some ways, I have been a captive to myself. The men here wear masks, that leave everything to the imagination. For five years, I have wondered what they look like. For five years, I have planned what I would do to them if I ever got out. I would ruin them. Their entire organization, their families, their lives, them. But I would have to wait. Like I had for the past five years. Like I would for who knows how much longer. Each day went by slower than the last, and I was slowly breaking. The men would come in with whips, chains, hot irons. I always knew when they would come, which made it even worse. I anticipated them. They would question me. Questions about my father, what he was like, my mother, what she was like, all kinds of random questions that somehow, stirred something inside of me, making me want to hurt them. They would describe my mother in perfect detail, then, with words, they would paint a picture of her death for me. Each time it was different, each time it was more gruesome and more gut wrenching than the last. They would ask me more serious questions about my father, like who he was working for, what did he know about them and such. I never knew the answers and my silence elicited further beatings. So I learned to ignore. I created a mindset where i could go to forget about everything that was happening to me. I finally managed to escape their brutality if only for a little while. Somewhere, a door slammed and I knew it was them. sure enough heavy footsteps made their way towards me. I braced myself.


	3. Chapter 3: Let Me Go

I vaguely noticed that I was alone now. I slowly opened my eyes and blinking fast when my world was hazed red by blood running down my face. I tried to move my arms to wipe some of it off, but ended up just smearing it more. My dirty white-ish grey hair hung in strands as I leaned my chin on my chest. My legs were curled under me and were chained, as were my arms. My body was sore all over. Not in pain, just more of a dull, throbbing ache. I tried to breathe slowly and envision the hell I would give to these people when I managed to get out. First, I would sniff them out. I wouldn't go to the police, though. Oh, no. I would make them suffer. I would find their families, their friends, and one by one, I would slowly, painfully kill each one. I would make these bastards watch as I tortured every last one. Then I would do the same to them. But I would keep them just alive. I would give them some hope that I would show mercy. Then I would kill them off. I would be rid of their filth. A single tear slid down my brutalized face, the saltiness sending searing pain through my head and making it throb with such an intensity that the room began to spin and I gladly passed out into the black hole that had become my mind.


	4. Chapter 4: My World Will change

I woke up with sunlight streaming into my eyes and a freakishly tall man standing over me. "Agh! who the hell are you?!" I yelled. He smiled and stepped back. Without saying a word, he bowed and moved to leave. "Hey! hold up!" I said trying to sit up but promptly falling back down in pain, grimacing. Through gritted teeth I managed to ask,"Where am I? And you still have to tell me who you are." Still smirking, the man turned and said in a smooth voice, "I am Sebastian. I am merely the butler. As for where we are, this is the Phantomhive manor. If that is all, I shall be going. Good morning." He turned crisply and strode out the door. So what am I supposed to do now? I thought to myself. Just sit here? I sighed. Throwing the comforter off of me, I noted that I was no longer in my ratty old dress but a mans cuffed white shirt. My long legs were not a very pretty sight. There were cuts all up and down them, some that were just beginning to heal and around my left ankle, a tattoo stood out. This was new. It hadn't been there before... I slid off the bed and gently moved across the amber carpeted floors to the bathroom. It was nice. A wash basin, a toilet, a large mirror and a mug claw footed bathtub all in the same place. I wondered briefly who could afford such luxury, but my thoughts were interrupted. The door of my room opened. I peeked out of the bathroom and saw a red-haired girl in a maids uniform walk in. I stepped out and when she saw me, she started and dropped the entire platter in her hands consisting of a porcelain teapot and a little plate with a similar teacup on it. Before I was fully aware of what I was dong, I dove to catch the obviously valuable teapot and teacup. I barely managed to grab them in my hands. Just then, the butler, Sebastian strode in with an untraceable look. A mix of annoyance and worry. His eyes widened as he saw me balancing on my left foot holding the platter on my right foot and both the teacup and the teapot in both of my hands. I noticed the maid blushing furiously. "How strange," I thought. But before I could do anymore wondering, the platter, the teacup AND the teapot were suddenly gone and I was flat on my back, gasping for air and not able to see anything. A few seconds later a strong arm wrapped around my narrow shoulders and another slid under my bare knees. I was lifted up and onto the bed with surprising gentleness. I shook my head and my vision cleared quite suddenly. Sebastian was standing over me with furrowed eyebrows.

"Are you alright, miss?" He asked politely. Still a little winded, I nodded without a word. He bowed and gave me a funny look, but it was gone before I could commit it to memory. He swiftly and quietly walked out the door with an air of authority, leaving me and the maid in captivated silence.


	5. Chapter 5: New Place, New Me

I looked at the door for a long while after the maid and the butler had left. I guess I was just trying to sort things out in the jumbled mess of my brain. Finally, I managed to move to the wardrobe on the far wall of the luxurious room. Throwing the doors open, I saw a wide array of reds and blues. Looking through them, I quickly decided that none of them suited my taste. What WAS my taste, though? I hadn't had anything even remotely new in the past five years. I gently closed the mahogany doors and sighed. Suddenly, my curiosity sparked, kindled by who knows what. Looking out the large picture window, I surveyed the perfectly manicured garden in the back of the house. I decided to do some exploring. My way. I brought my foot up with perfect balance and smashed it through the glass, shattering it onto the carpet. I realized that I was two floors up but quickly pushed that out of my mind. I had jumped off of taller. Taking a deep breath of the cool fresh air, I pushed myself off the window ledge and enjoyed the brief feeling of freefalling. Landing softly on the thick grass, I realized yet another thing. I was still in the man's shirt. And it didn't cover much of anything. Ignoring this embarrassing fact, I strolled into the garden. The first thing I noticed was the overpowering smell of roses. There were rosebushes everywhere. Going up to the nearest bush, I began to pick a rose, but pulled back sharply when I felt a little sting on my finger. I looked at it curiously. It had been so long since I had felt anything, let alone pain. As I was caught up inspecting the little drop of blood on my finger, Sebastian came up behind me.

"You seem to have pricked your finger. Let's go take care of that shall we?"

I jumped at the voice behind me then turned around to look at him. I had to look up at him despite my incredibly long legs. "I…. uh….." I stuttered. He just smiled and bowed, showing me the way with an outstretched hand. I reluctantly took the lead and he followed behind me.

"If you will forgive me for being frank," he began,"You seem to have forgotten to get properly dressed this morning. Did none of the dresses in your room suit you?"

My eyes widened in embarrassment, though I knew I shouldn't be embarrassed because I had gone through worse at the mercy of the Kurai. He led me up the stone stairs in through the double doors of the mansion, then once inside, up another set of stairs and down a long hallway. When we neared a certain door, he put a hand gently, almost protectively, on my lower back. I tensed but said nothing not wanting to be rude to my host. Yet. I had this problem with physical contact. I was deathly afraid of it actually. It was what had made my five years worse than they had already been. He didn't remove his hand until we got to my room, where he took long purposeful strides to the wardrobe and started picking through the dresses. Each dress he pulled out, he seemed to reject almost immediately. Finally, after he had pulled out most of the dresses, he got a sudden look on his face that scared the shit out of me. I had seen it before. On the faces of the Kurai. Their masks hid all but their mouths. I shivered unintentionally just before Sebastian turned around with a silvery grey dress in hand. Its sleeves were quarter length and around the waist, it had a corset type thing that laced up. I watched in apparent agony as he pulled out a hoop and a real corset from the wardrobe. Closing my eyes, I walked to him and braced myself to feel his fingers unbuttoning the shirt, but they never came,

"I couldn't help but notice that you don't seem to fancy physical contact. Perhaps you would like to undress yourself?"

I looked at him gratefully then turned to undress. Once the shirt was off, I squeezed my eyes shut again anticipating his touch. Yet again, it never came. He managed to wrap the corset around my waist without so much as a brush against me.

"You may want to hold on to the bedpost. This may be quite uncomfortable."

I hurriedly grabbed the bedpost and held on for dear life as he laced the torturous device up. After I was completely dressed, he said, "Lord Ceil has requested your presence at dinner tonight. I believe he has some questions. Until then, you are free to do what you wish. I will come for you at precisely seven pm. No later no earlier. I would suggest you stay away from the servants and the second floor." Bowing, he left and I was once again alone. I squirmed under the pressure of the corset and remembered why I hated dresses. I decided to go look for a shirt and some trousers because I couldn't stand the dress much longer. Pushing open the door I took a left turn down the hallway and checked into every room before moving on to the Second floor.


	6. Chapter 6: No More, No Less

I thought I had probably been through every room in the whole mansion when I found the right one. I shoved the door open, tired of seeing the same old same old, and came face to face with a nicely decorated room with a fireplace on one wall; a door leading to what I assumed was the bathroom and a four poster bed in the corner. And a wardrobe in another corner. I quickly made my way across the carpet (Why was there so much damn carpet in this house?) to the wardrobe. Throwing it open desperately, I found what I had been looking for. There were three piles of folded trousers and hanging from a rack were neatly pressed shirts. Sighing in relief, I grabbed the most common looking pair of trousers and the least ostentatious shirt. Undoing the back of my dress, I slipped quickly out of it along with the corset and the hoop so I was just in my underclothes. Then I slid into the trousers and the shirt, so glad to finally be out of that horrid dress. My white-ish grey hair was pretty short so I rifled around in the closet before I came up with a pageboys hat that I pulled over my head. I decided that I would skip out on shoes because those things hurt like hell. I walked back out of the room after I had shoved my dress in the wardrobe and looked for a way outside.

(Outside)

I walked over the gravel drive enjoying the feeling of… feeling something. I was quite lost in my thoughts and wonderings when I heard the sound of hooves and wheels on stone. I looked up and saw a carriage coming towards me. I stepped to the side and watched as the driver stopped in front of me and a girl got out. She was dressed in a frilly pink dress and her blond hair was in two very curly pigtails high on her head. A lady, who I assumed to be her guardian, stepped out properly behind her. I decided that I didn't like this lady at all. She looked me up and down with disdain, then said under her breath, "Ciel couldn't have possibly needed ANOTHER servant."

I glared at her long and hard before a tap on the shoulder made me jump. Right into the little girl. She squealed and almost lost her balance but her mother caught her in time.

"That is NOT how I expect a Phantomhive servant to act. I will be taking this up with your master young man." Then she marched the little girl into the house. Young man? What does she mean…? I was interrupted by the driver looking haughtily at me and then handing me the reigns of the carriage. "Rub the horses down well and then feed them exactly one bale of hay each. No more, No less." Then he stalked off into the house after the lady. I was thoroughly confused now. I wasn't the stable boy! But just then, one of the sweaty horses nuzzled me in the back and when I turned around, it looked at me with its big brown eyes. I turned all the way around and stroked its nose. It whinnied and I said softly, "Okay. Let's get you guys cleaned up."


	7. Chapter 7: His Butler, On Time

As I led the horses to the stable, I thought, maybe I could get this job…. It doesn't look like anyone has filled it yet… I put the horses into each stall and went looking for the grooming tools. In the tack room I found a bucket of brushes. Somehow, I was able to name all of them and their jobs. To my surprise I found that I knew a lot about horses. Why, though? I thought to myself. I tried to remember my life before the Kurai but all I got was a bunch of hazy half memories. Grunting in frustration, I combed the horses even harder. The one I was brushing whinnied and I pulled back. "I'm so so so sorry!" I gasped. But when the horse whinnied again and nodded its head behind me, I whirled around. Standing behind me, once again, was Sebastian.

"You really seem to like sneaking up on people," I said, irritated. He looked at the horse when it nickered and gave it a look between irritation and disgust. Then, looking at me, he said, "It is Six o'clock. You should not be here." He looked at me closer and appeared to be sniffing the air. I pulled back a little and he mumbled, "Smells the same. But… looks different. How?"

That's not weird… I thought. He took me by the arm and led me out of the stable saying, "Now you've made me late. Any butler who can't be on time for his master's dinner isn't worth his salt." I was drug all the way through the house and to my room where the blue dress was waiting for me. I sighed and my head drooped. He put it on the bed, gave me a stern look and then walked out and waited next to my door. When I had pulled it on, he came back in and laced up the back. Then he held out a hand gesturing that I put mine in his. So I did. We walked out of the room and downstairs to the dining room where a dinner party was waiting.


	8. Chapter 8: The Guest, Excused

In the dining room, there were a total of eight people. All of them were nobles, all were men. Eight people too many and I was the only female. I bit my lip and tried not to let my nervousness show. Sebastian led me to a seat across from the Earl Phantomhive and pulled it out. I sat down, smoothed my dress taking a deep breath and watched as all the men took their seats. Sebastian disappeared into the kitchen to bring out the first course. I picked at the White Chicken Fricassee but barely ate anything before the second course was brought in. I listened to the conversation flying across the table but never joined. I was pushing my food around on my plate, thinking about my past when I heard my name.

"Lady Cross?"

Startled, I dropped my fork and it clattered to the floor. The man who had addressed me chuckled.

"I'm so sorry!" I gasped.

"Quite alright. I just asked, what does your father do?"

I stared at him for a little then stammered,"Um… well… he... he owns,' my voice caught as I thought about him," Cross Weapons and Machinery." I looked down at my hands, now folded in my lap. The man looked confused, "I thought… never mind." He smiled at me and resumed his earlier conversation. I couldn't wait till this dinner was over. I looked up and saw the young Earl looking at me intently. I blushed and looked down. I saw out of the corner of my eye, the butler, Sebastian lean down to listen to the Earl. I looked all the way back down before I saw anything else. Finally, dessert was served. I took a few bites and then set down my fork. I began to feel a little light-headed and sick. I quietly pushed my seat back and excused myself from the table, walking slowly out the double doors and into the foyer. I had to lean against a wall to keep whatever balance I had left. A steady hand on my elbow made me start and look up into a pair of… gorgeous red eyes.

"i-I'm not feeling well. Forgive me for leaving dinner early," I stuttered, the world spinning around me. I fell into Sebastian and he caught me with a concerned look on his face. I moaned and he picked me up bridal style and took me to one of the couches under a window, setting me down. I did my best to hold on to my consciousness. A few minutes later, though I hadn't noticed him leave, Sebastian came back with some soup and a cup of tea. As hard as I tried, though, I couldn't keep hold of the real world and sunk into my subconscious gratefully.


	9. Chapter 9: The Guest, Not a guest

"Miss Lexi?"

"Unhh…" I groaned, rolling over and cuddled with… a waist? I jerked awake and looked up at Sebastian. He was smirking at me. I quickly unwrapped my arms from around him and sat up.

"I have your morning tea ready," he said.

"Um, okay thank you... I guess," I replied.

Sebastian stood up and poured tea from a fancy teapot into an equally fancy tea-cup, then brought it to me in bed.

"Lord Phantomhive has invited you to breakfast. I have set out your morning dress. When you are ready, I will take you to his study."

I said nothing and sipped my tea, staring out the window, nodding. He bowed and walked out. I set the cup gently on the night table and got out of bed, quickly dressing into the dreadful dress. I then sat back down and finished my tea, waiting for the butler. He came five minutes later and we walked to Ceils study. Knocking, Sebastian waited until a forceful, "Enter!" came through and he opened the door for me. I saw two chairs in front of a large oak desk and sat in one, crossing my legs. Behind me, Sebastian grunted and I uncrossed them. The boy behind the desk looked tired but alert. He leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers together.

"Alexis E. Cross. Your father WAS the owner of Cross Weapons and Machinery. Now, it's just you. Am I right?"

This statement caught me off guard and I just stared at him, trying to compute what he had said.

"Ms. Cross? That was a question," he said, slightly impatient this time.

"Uh, yes. You're right. It's just me now."

"And is it also true that your late parents were in debt?"

"My late— Oh. Yes, they were. But I don't see how this is-"

"It is relevant, I assure you."

I looked at Sebastian for an explanation, but all he did was stare straight ahead.

"Ms. Cross, I have a proposition. My butler has informed me that you have been out to the stables?"

I looked down and mumbled, "Yes."

"We are consequently in need of a stable hand. I am offering you that job, along with full room and board." He said this with an annoyed looking face. I looked up at him, doing my best to mask my joy and said, "I accept."

"Aren't you going to think about it before you accept?" he asked

"No," I said simply.

Ceil sighed and rubbed his temples. "Then you are dismissed." I stood up, unsure of what to do, and curtsied then quickly left the room and waited in the hallway. After a few minutes, I put my ear to the door and listened. I could make out whispers but nothing audible enough to understand. I got impatient and decided to look for breakfast. The first thing I did was take off my shoes, then I padded down the carpeted hallway and into the grand foyer.


	10. Chapter 10: The Sable Boy, In the Past

Chapter 10:

I wandered into the kitchen and saw a blond haired man in a chef's outfit holding a flamethrower. I watched as he pulled the trigger and immediately, the food went up in flames in his face. His hair poofed out and he looked angry. Turning to me, his face suddenly lit up.

"So you're the guest! Great to meetcha!" he said energetically shaking my hand. "I'm Bardroy, but e'ryone here calls me Baldo."

I pried my hand out of his iron grip and said,"I'm Lexi Cross. Um… are you the chef?"

"Yeah. But right now—"

Sebastian walked in then and cut him off. "Bardroy! What have I told you about the flamethrower? Its not for meals!" Sebastian sighed and then said, "Ill clean up here. You need to leave." I looked from Baldo to Sebastian then back. Baldo hung his head and trudged out the door. Now it was just me and Sebastian. He seemed to have not realized that I was standing in the room, because when he saw me, he nodded slowly. "And where are you supposed to be?"

"Um… nowhere. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I came in to get breakfast…"

He shook his head and ignored my statement.

"You will no doubt need a uniform, am I correct?"

"Yes…."

"Come with me."

He led me out of the kitchen, all the while looking at a pocket watch and muttering about how he barely had time enough for all the work that needed to be done and how human days were so short. I was a little confused as to why he was not referring to himself as human as with the rest of us, but said nothing.

"You do know the way to your room I assume?" he asked inquisitively.

"Yes, would you prefer me to go wait there for you?" I replied.

He looked a little taken aback by my statement. I guess that he wasn't used to people knowing what he was going to say. I couldn't help it. I have a secret that no one knows. I can almost hear people's thoughts. I feel them. When someone is about to yell at me, I know it because I am able to FEEL the anger radiating off of them. If they're happy, the same. Some how, I can interpret their thoughts. I'm never wrong. I parted ways with him and walked back to my room and sat on the bed. I lay back on the super plush duvet and closed my eyes, my life passing before my eyes in flashes. Some were too fast to comprehend. They came, but always left before I could delve into them.

~Flash~

"Sissy! Come play with me!"

"Quiet Xavier! I'm busy. Can't you see that?"

"But…"

"No. go have Maria play with you."

~Flash~

Mum cries as we lay my little brother into his tiny grave. _Dead at five. Much too young, I thought. He would've been quite pretty little corpse at thirteen. Wait! What?!_

~Flash~

I eavesdrop on my parents in fathers study.

_"Hanna, I think we need to tell her," said my father._

_"Honey, I think we need to wait," answered my mother, "she is only thirteen. Wouldn't that be terrifying for her?"_

_"Hanna, I don't know how much longer we are going to be around, and if she doesn't know, then she will never be able to find… him."_

_"You are right, as always," conceded mother. _

~Flash~

"Emma? Darling, come here. Your father and I need to talk to you about something very important."

I sat down across from them on the daybed.

"Emma, you're not… our biological child."

~Flash~

I opened my eyes found that I was gulping for air. That was the first time in five years that I had remembered anything about my past. Or wanted to for that matter. I sat up and found that I was staring at Sebastian. He had a pair of overalls, some boots, a long sleeved white shirt and a hat draped over his arm. I scooted off the bed and took them gently from him. I tried to undo the back of my dress but I couldn't reach that far behind me.

"Um… Sebastian," I started, turning red, "Could you…"

He walked to me and undid the clasps quickly then stepped back to where he had been standing. I shrugged it off and put on the overalls, then the white shirt, careful not to turn my back to him for fear of him seeing the scars there. I pulled on the boots which were quite comfortable, then walked to the mirror. I swiftly braided my hair and shoved the cap on my head, then admired myself. I looked like a boy. A stable boy. I turned to Sebastian who had already gotten the door and was apparently waiting for me. We left and he took me back to the stables where the two horses were already waiting for their grooming.


	11. Chapter 11: The Horses

I finished cleaning the two horses just as the sun was going down. A few minutes of nothing passed then I jumped up onto one of the stall dividers and sat on it.

"Beck? Did you know your parents? I'm sure you did. I mean, your mother had to wean you for like months before you could be on your own right? I wish I knew my parents. I mean, I knew my… adoptive parents. Just not my biological ones. I remembered that today. I guess when I was… at the place… I blocked myself off from so much that I sort of just lost my memory too."

Beck whinnied like he understood me. I could feel that he was listening, but he was mighty confused. I guess I couldn't read thoughts. Or maybe it just worked on some people. I was about to say something else to beck when I heard shuffling behind me. _If its Sebastian again, I am going to be pissed. I need to talk to him about sneaking up on me. One day, I will not hesitate to turn around and maul the person, no matter who it is, butler or not. _ I turned around as much as I could on the wall and was surprised to see little Ceil standing there instead of Sebastian. I was even more surprised to see him looking… normal, emotional. I had only been there for a day and I had already learned that the little boy was to be feared and taken seriously. He and I were the same age something about him made me finicky. There was this feeling that always came with him. Something like sadness, but yet, it was more bitter that sadness. I wondered if that was what I brought with me too. I knew that he had been through something extremely traumatizing, as had I. Suddenly, the look on his face was replaced with a mask of hard stone. I was taken aback at how sudden the change was. I, too, shoved my emotions into the back of my head and stared at him with much of the same look as he was giving me.

"What are you doing?" he asked rather sharply.

"I was just finishing taking care of Elizabeth's horses. That is her name, right?"

"She prefers Lizzy, but my servants all address her as Miss Elizabeth. I expect you will too. Anyway, when you are done here, you will come inside, change your attire," he said this while sweeping me head to toe with a disdainful look," and help Sebastian with Supper this evening. Am I clear?"

"I understand, My Lord."

He gave me one last look then turned on heel and strode out of the barn. I wondered why he had come out instead of Sebastian. He was the Earl, and had servants to do what he wanted for him. Shaking off the thought, I patted the horses one more time then I left to get ready for dinner.


End file.
